The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
