Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
