My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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