Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
