ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
