i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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