I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
