i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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