I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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