Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just pynch a tree in the face
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
