Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
