She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
