I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
