I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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