am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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