Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
