i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm like, not good at living.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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