Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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