You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
