You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
