I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
