Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
