I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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