And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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