Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
