if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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