I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
