Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
