He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
