When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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