two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
