I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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