if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He kissed a someone with a penis
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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