Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
