I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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