the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
