Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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