Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's official drugs can't kill me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
