i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
