He is such a slut. More and more my type.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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