The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
