thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Houston, we have a squirter
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
