I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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