You're so nebulous sometimes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
