Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
