I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PANTIES FOUND
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