i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the condom got lost in my hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
