Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
