Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i've created a new STD.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
