do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
